I’m Takin’ All That I Learned From You

If a promise is broken or a lie is being told my life gets shortened by a little, I would be pals with Hades by now. As cliche as it sounds, only princesses who live in castles, have an entire kingdom worshiping her, and maids to wait on her day and night get to meet a perfect man. A mediocre maiden like me don’t seem to have the right to have my prince charming swipe me off my feet and take off into everlasting happiness on a brilliant white horse. Well maybe I get a nice looking bloke who comes round with a donkey, whatever the case, at least he isn’t looking like a baddie. So I follow him, thinking I may have a chance to meet Happiness, even if it isn’t everlasting. Instead, I’m led straight into this cavern of pitch darkness, the kind where you can’t even see your fingers or who the man in front of you is anymore. You can also call this huge cave a relationship, or my relationship at the very least.

In a world of lies, you are the truth.

Singers always croon to such beautiful lyrics that make love seem so touching, so wonderful, like it should definitely be sought after. But why does mine make me believe that promises are meant to be broken instead, and that it’s nothing but a pack of lies. Even in a story book, the kid is only given three chance. How many chances should I give my boyfriend? A thousand? Oh he’ll surpass that easily. He’s gonna need more than that if we got married and live together. So why shouldn’t I make things simpler for both of us and just end this whole stupid relationship. We’re both living a lie right now. He keeps promising me that he’ll change and that he can indeed do it. He believes that. And he believes I’ll never ever leave him. On the other hand, I sorta believe he’ll change, albeit bit by bit, and I always tell myself he’s still a good boyfriend underneath the ‘not sweet not romantic not thoughtful not gentle’ shield. But wait, what does that leave him with? See, that’s why we’re living a hugeass lie.

I’m completely disappointed. I’m losing hope. I’m losing faith, in him and myself. I’m hanging on a thread and I secretly wish for someone to cut it so I’ll be free. Meeting more guys seems like a better alternative than being in a relationship that can’t eject joy and warmth into my life. I just need a push, seriously.

You taught me how to break a heart.

This just feels so much closer to my heart. All that I’m doing to you, you taught me, when you failed to do what you should time after time.

You Bleed You Learn, You Cry You Learn

A long, honest heart-to-heart talk with bff has elicited many new thoughts. One of which is the ever classical ‘what if…’ question that everyone will ask themselves at least once in their lives. What if that didn’t happen, will my mindset still be so conservative now? The joke’s on myself actually. How can someone who was so wrong in the past say she’s guarded? It’s like a psycho thinking he’s perfectly sane. But that’s exactly how things are now. I guess humans, or most humans,  indeed realize their wrongdoings and learn from them. Some learn the hard way, and I’m one of them.

Words Screaming In My Head

Think I’m gonna start blogging again. Just have these sudden urges to pen down my thoughts recently.

It’s Black And It’s White

It boggles the mind how fickle a human can get. Emotional perceptions or attitudes, especially, tend to be really whimsical. They seem to change ever so often, at times even within a second’s time. Gee, does this happen to everyone or is it just me?

You’re So Ridiculous I Can Barely Stop

Love from love, and love himself. So cuteee. ♥

Will My Heroes Find Me There

Results are better than expected, and needless to say, transcended the previous semester. Of course, like in most other situations met in life, it could have been better. Much to my surprise, the two papers I excelled in were modules that we got mediocre grades for the group assignments. Simply put, it means I did well for the papers. My own effort. At times like these, a more favorable impression of myself is created, allowing me to not wallow in self-pity, which has been done a tad too many times.

I guess it’s the prolonged aftermath of always taking up the last few positions in class during those primary school days. Being placed in the best class to receive the last few positions definitely wasn’t a good feeling, and my fragile self-esteem then was smashed into smithereens when I got mocked at by a few of those immature boys. Since then, I’ve developed a fear towards tests and exams, especially those subjects that I just couldn’t dominate. The incompetence which had made me a laughing stock just took over more and more parts of my brain as I progressed on in the education levels. Secondary school days were the best and worst times of my life so far. Best cause of the dear friends made, and worst cause my results were crap all the way. It’s one regret I have to live with, for not really understanding all the information taught then, and not learning how to enjoy those subjects. Oh well, whose life is not filled with regrets right. I just got to make sure no more regrets are added to my already long list of them.

To start off, I should really start clearing and rearranging the clothing in my wardrobe. A note to myself, do not waste any more of your holidays! Do not be tempted by the ever seductive acquaintance – laziness!

Okay, must have bored everyone with this meaningless post. I honestly have no idea where it came from.

Be Hypnotic And The Trip Won’t Stop

Georgina Ahern is no doubt the most blissful woman on earth. I’ll be, if my imaginations engulf the harsh reality. Speaking of reality, my uber cute boyfriend asked if I could be as docile as a lamb at times, going meh mehh instead of acting like a bloodthirsty lion that’s after his meat. Very confidently, I told him he’s not a baby. And he started acting like a baby. Great.

PS: July 2009, my darlings are gonna be back from their one year hiatus!

One, Two, Three

Decided to go green for a while.

Fell in love with Lacoste’s Pink perfumes.

Am clueless about which movie character I should dress up as for my own partay.

♥

I like it when you said you’re trying to protect me.

With Every Step, You Climb Another Mountain

Kris Allen’s rendition of No Boundaries is etched in my mind. Caught the live telecast of American Idol finale on star world, watched it again on ch5, and left it on when it was broadcasted again on scv couple of hours ago; just to hear him belt out that song. Couldn’t be happier when Kris was announced the winner! ♥